MapAvailable publicly
Love = Loss of Self
You enjoy closeness, then feel a sudden need to create distance.
Open Code← All curated Lists26 canonical Codes
Relationship and Attachment Codes
The rules that shape closeness, distance, reassurance and self-protection
The same relationship can hold a conscious wish for closeness and an automatic rule that treats closeness, need or honesty as a risk.
A List helps you find a Code. It does not unlock it. Each card keeps its existing public, Foundation, Edition or app access.
01
Closeness and exposure
Codes that make being known feel less safe as intimacy grows.
LoveAccess preserved
Distance = Safety
Tests, overcontrols, or withholds openness to prevent anticipated hurt.
Explore in the appBetrayalAccess preserved
Closeness = Betrayal
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appIntimacyAccess preserved
Closeness = Exposure
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appLoveAccess preserved
Receiving Love = Exposure
Avoids clear emotional asks and defaults to protective patterns over direct connection.
Explore in the appReceiving MoneyAccess preserved
Receiving = Exposure
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appDependenceAccess preserved
Independence = Love
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the app02
Loss and abandonment
Codes that prepare for separation before it happens.
LoveAccess preserved
Abandonment = My Fault
Scans for signs of loss, seeks reassurance, and pulls back from direct vulnerability.
Explore in the appRejectionAccess preserved
Rejection = Abandonment
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appAngerAccess preserved
Anger = Loss of Love
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appLoveAccess preserved
Boundaries = Abandonment
Avoids clear emotional asks and defaults to protective patterns over direct connection.
Explore in the appAskingAccess preserved
Receiving Help = Loss of Control
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appReceiving CriticismAccess preserved
Criticism = Rejection
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appLoveAccess preserved
Abandonment = Inevitable
Scans for signs of loss, seeks reassurance, and pulls back from direct vulnerability.
Explore in the app03
Receiving support
Codes that complicate need, help and interdependence.
MapAvailable publicly
Asking For Help = Dependence
You wait until the situation is urgent before telling anyone you need help.
Open CodereceivingAvailable publicly
Receiving = Burden
Declining offers of support, payment, or help
Open CodeLoveAccess preserved
Receiving = Trap
Tests, overcontrols, or withholds openness to prevent anticipated hurt.
Explore in the appLoveAccess preserved
Receiving = Owing
Avoids clear emotional asks and defaults to protective patterns over direct connection.
Explore in the appreceivingAccess preserved
Receiving = Weakness
Refusing financial help even when it would allow meaningful growth
Explore in the appDepressionAccess preserved
Support = Unsafe
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appReceiving MoneyAccess preserved
Receiving = Control
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the app04
Control and protection
Codes that use distance, tests or certainty to manage relational risk.
MoneyAccess preserved
Control = Safety
You redo somebody else's financial task rather than let their method differ from yours.
Explore in the appTrustAccess preserved
Trust = Loss of Control
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appSafetyAccess preserved
Safety = Control
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appBetrayalAccess preserved
Trust = Loss of Self
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appConsentAccess preserved
Consent = Control Loss
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Explore in the appContinue exploring